What song would you say?

Sat here this morning checking some dates for a possible visit to Bristol when a question popped into my mind out of nowhere.  What song would I say describes how I feel about my life?  Hmmm...... when I'm feeling a little down it has to be 'I started a joke' by the Bee Gees.  When things are going great then 'For ever in Blue Jeans' by Neil Diamond.  A song that makes me cry? 'Tell me there's a Heaven' by Chris Rea, a song I can relax to? 'Albatross'  A song I immediately turn off? 'Sitting on the Dock of a Bay'  There are countless songs that make me feel good, too many to list. Just thought I'd put this into a quick blog!

Is it my fault?...... probably!

I have just made a shocking discovery, someone close has as many emotional 'hang-ups' as I have.  Do I feel guilty about it!?!?!?!? Shit yes! of course I do! It's not until you're older you realise how your own emotionally charged upbringing affected the way you treated your own children.  You try to be a 'good' parent but without realising it the past gets repeated.  There have been some fantastic highs, some lows,one, a really low point (which thankfully never came to it's ultimate conclusion, thanks to a timely phone call for which I am eternally grateful! and hopefully it will never occur again)  Having come from a background where 'love of family' was never really shown, anger being the main expression of emotion, holding in emotions becomes second nature and causes a lot of inner pain, anguish AND guilt.  I have made decisions in the recent past, which, to others may have seemed easy and selfish.  They were neither easy or selfish, there was a lot of deep soul searching and thought before the result was concluded.  There are times when I regret making those decisions but also times I'm very happy I did!  I sometimes wish I was emotionally more self-confident, wishing to tell those I love dearly how much I love and miss them and how proud I am of them. If I was I'd probably be able to tell them instead of not being able 'to find the right time' or 'the right words'.  I suppose really any time is 'the right time' and 'I love you, miss you and am proud of you' is the only way to say it!......................................... SHIT!!!!! I need professional help!! SERIOUSLY!! TOO MUCH BURIED CRAP EATING AWAY MY LIFE!!

It's only a quick drink!

Went out with some pals from my days at the airport on Friday afternoon. Yes! what started out as a few pints turned into a few more, I was still able to make my own way home though!  Really enjoyed catching up on what's been happening to people.  Funny thing is out of the five of us there, four now work for Arriva.

Decided it's time my car had a service, it's had an oil and filter change but that's all.  This time it'll be the full works with proper Ford parts, they aren't that much more expensive.  Tom will order a service kit for me (trade price) and then do it for me next month when I'm off for a few days. I've put nearly 25k on the clock since  mid-November 2009, it's now almost on 29k and will be 30k by the time it gets serviced.

In with a chance..........

Found out the other day that I'm still in with a chance of a job in Malta as the selection process has been delayed, will find out as soon as possible how much chance I stand of getting a placement.  As the days go by the reality of what's involved in a move to Malta is gradually seeping in!  Pauline was a little shocked at first I think but she now realises that I want to do it to secure a better future for us both and not to get away from her.  The main 'problem' as far as Pauline is concerned is as always, Evie and her diabetes.  I'm hoping that when Evie starts at the Comp, which will be around 2015 Pauline will decide to come out to Malta full time, well until I retire anyway. We can keep this house and rent it out, giving us something to live in when/if we return.  Of course living out there would also give family a cheap holiday if they wanted to come out, it would only mean finding the air fare and some spending money, which would probably still be cheaper than a holiday in the UK.  Of course this is all fantasy at the present time!

Pauline's birthday has come and gone. She is a little sad at the moment, life isn't going down the 'happy path' in some departments.  We have both continued to lose weight on our diets, though I think I need to kick-start mine again as the losses have slowed and I'm barely losing a pound a week now.  Pauline wants to lose around another nine pounds and then she will try to maintain that weight, me? I've still got around another twelve months before I reach a weight where I will be fully satisfied with the amount I've lost, I will still be overweight but a lot happier about it.

Time seems to be flying  by, can't believe I've been at Arriva for over eight months now!  Heard things at the airport are bad, they have just made a third of the car park staff redundant.  I also found out that they are in imminent danger of losing their 'O' licences for the buses as the guy everybody thought was the nominated holder, isn't, VOSA are going mad as the airport haven't had one since they kicked Meteor out in 2006.  A friend from the M.T department who was taking his CPC around the time I took mine has finally passed last month and has been approached by the airport to take on the responsibility.  He phoned me and asked if they were paying me any extra for having a CPC.  I told him they were offering around £700 a year but I'd already had things arranged to move to Arriva, they haven't offered him any extra, told him it needs to be at least £2k, which is what would have kept me at the airport.

Looking forward to the 10th, off out for a few drinks with some old friends I haven't seen for about five years, should be a good chin-wag too!